March 2, 2011 — Leave a comment

Recently, I posed the question: are you a nurturing man?  The fact that men are to be nurturers is clear from the Bible.  The fact that manhood includes nurturing is most clearly pictured in the Gospel – in the way that Jesus Christ nurtures His own wife, the Church.  After concluding that a man is by nature designed to nurture, the question arises – how do I do that?  Here are seven ways that you can nurture your wife.

Ways to Daily Nurture Your Wife

You have been chosen by God to be the most influential person on this planet in the life of your wife.  Picture your wife as a flower.  You get to fertilize the soil around her, water her, feed her, bring sunshine into her life, and grow her up to become a beautiful and thriving woman.  If your wife is wilting or drowning in life, the first place you should look is in the mirror.  In my own marriage it becomes really clear when I’m failing to nurture.  Lately, I’ve felt a desire to grow in nurturing my wife in the following ways.

1.  GIVING – You can only nurture your wife with what you yourself have, and that’s not much!  So, you need to daily immerse yourself in the Gospel and saturate yourself with Christ.  As you are filled up to overflowing with all that Jesus provides, you will have an abundance to invest in your wife.  Jesus gave Himself up for the church (Eph. 5:25).  The Apostle Paul gave his life away to the Thessalonians (1 Thess. 2:8).  Give yourself and your life away to your wife.

2.  PRAYING – Spend time, a lot of time, praying for your wife.  Prayer is powerful, powerful to nurture and produce the growth that we long to see in our wives.  Don’t just pray for her but daily pray with her.  Hold her in your arms and pray passionate prayers on her behalf, thanking God for her, and lifting up her petitions in her presence.  When you leave for work and before you both go to sleep, begin and end your days with prayer.  When she calls you stressed out at home, pray with her over the phone.

3.  STUDYING – Enjoy studying with your wife.  Some of the best times I’ve had recently with my hunny have been reading the Bible or a good Christian book right before bed.  Grow in your love and understanding of God together by reading good things and discussing what your learning.  Don’t just study with your wife, but study your wife.  Learn her and be a student of what makes her unique.  Know her fears, her dreams, her joys, and her greatest needs.  Earn a Ph.D. in your wife.

4.  LISTENING – Your wife wants you to listen to her, not while your doing something else and not for the purpose of “fixing” her.  Take time each day to just sit undistracted and listen to your woman.  Draw her out with questions and then just listen as she bears her heart. Seek to understand what she’s feeling.  If you need duct tape and blinders then put them on before she starts talking!

5. CELEBRATING – When we have more than five sentences to say to our wives it’s often when they’ve messed up and we’re correcting them.  We need to spend time daily celebrating the grace of God that is evident in their lives.  Take time to tell your wife what she’s doing well.  Share with her ways you see her growing spiritually.  Daily communicate how much you love her and appreciate her.  Let your wife be her toughest critic.  You, be her greatest admirer.

6.  SERVING – Wives work hard and need breaks.  Our wives are constantly serving us.  Look for ways each day to do something special or helpful for her.  Whether it’s the dishes, grocery shopping, or just taking the kids out on a date so she can have a night at home all alone, get creative about blessing your woman.  When you’ve spent time serving her, then you can look for ways that you both can serve others together.  Don’t miss out on the fun that you both can have as you minister to others as a team.

7.  ENJOYING – Have fun with your wife.  Not just at “night” and not just the way you’d want to have fun.  Find the things that she enjoys and do them with her.  Find times to get away as a couple to just relax.  Whether it’s a hike in the mountains or a night on the town, make the things that she enjoys happen.

You Treat Jesus the Way You Treat Your Wife

When you’re tempted to let your wife just sit and wilt, remember, the way you treat your wife is the way you treat Jesus (Matt. 25:40).  But also, be inspired by the way Jesus treats His own wife, the Church.  Scripture says He “nourishes and cherishes” her (Eph. 5:29). Ultimately, the way you treat your wife should be motivated by your great love for Jesus and His unfathomable love for you!


Are there other ways that we can nurture our wives?

Carlos Cuellar


is passionate about the gospel and its power to transform every area of life.

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