When you think of manhood and being a ‘manly’ man, what words and images come to mind? Perhaps it’s strong and fearless with warrior paint smeared across the face and a bloody sword in hand. Maybe it’s tough and skilled wearing a beard, flannel shirt, and tools strapped to a belt. But, the more important question is, where does our definition of manhood and being a man come from? For many, it is often more informed by the culture than by divine revelation.
What it Means to Be a Man
As much as the culture longs to define what a man is, as believers we need to look to the Scriptures to give us our definition. Starting at the beginning is usually a good idea. That’s where Richard D. Phillips in his book, The Masculine Mandate, challenges the cultural status quo by taking us to Genesis. He notes that Genesis 2:15 summarizes masculine behavior - “The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”
By “working,” we are to “invest our time, our energies, our ideas, and our passions in bringing good things into being” (13). In “keeping,” men are to “stand guard so that people and things are kept safe – so that the fruit of past cultivating and nurturing is preserved” (15).
As he unpacks the idea of “working,” which denotes cultivating, building and growing, Phillips notes:
“Of course, our “garden” includes not merely things but people… A man’s fingers should be accustomed to working in the soil of the human heart – the hearts of those he serves and loves – that he might accomplish some of the most valuable and important work of this life” (13-14).
I’m Supposed to be a Nurturer?
Here’s where it gets surprising for many men. Phillips goes on to state:
“This biblical mandate to work – here with the emphasis on cultivating and tending – explodes a great misconception regarding gender roles. We have been taught that women are the main nurturers, while men are to be “strong and silent.” But the Bible calls men to be cultivators, and that includes a significant emphasis on tending the hearts of those given into our charge” (14).
“There is a reason why so many people are hung up over their relationship with their fathers: God has given the primary calling of emotional and spiritual nurture to men, and many of us fail to do it well” (14).
“Men who are seeking to live out the Masculine Mandate will be nurturers” (14).
Some will buck at this description of masculinity as nurturing. For some, it will be because it seemingly contradicts the warrior or woodsman stereotypes they have in their minds. But for most, it will be the fact that nurturing, in their minds, is equated with femininity that will rub them wrong. We’ve been conditioned to believe that nurturing is a thing that only mommies and other women do.
The fact that women are nurturers and often excel at nurturing, does not mean that men have not been designed by God to do the same and, moreover, to be the primary nurturers in the home.
The Gospel Proclaims a God who Nurtures
For any man who might be struggling with a masculine concept of nurturing, I would point them to the God of the Gospel. Men are called to nurture their wives in Ephesians 5:29, “just as Christ does the church.” It’s ultimately in Jesus Christ, and not in our wives where we should anchor our concept of masculine nurturing.
The word translated “nourish” in Ephesians 5:29 and “bring them up” in Ephesians 6:4 is the same Greek word, ektrepho, and means to nurture by raising to maturity. It was used of plants and meant to cultivate them by feeding and tending to them. This nourishing or bringing up that men are called to do with their wives and children is to be patterned after the nurturing that Christ daily pursues in us.
Jesus chose a bride who was filthy and defiled, blemished and wrinkled. Then, as the perfect God-Man, He set Himself to relentlessly pursue loving us by nurturing us to breathtaking beauty. It’s His nurturing – growing us spiritually – that sanctifies us and ultimately culminates in our stunning glorification.
As a man you’ve been given the honor of following in the footsteps of the most manly of all men, and you’ve been endowed with unique power to nurture those around you.
Be a man – a nurturing man.
